memory stepping

published 2007

Like hair that falls into the face, you
are impossible to ignore-my
tangled inconvenience just over
head, nine steps to the bed instead of
seven, weak as I am to walk it
alone. The room is larger, hollow
as a slaughtered cow, racked and hanging.
Or is that me? It's the raw pink that
distracts. The unfamiliar smell (sharp)

I have grown used to. Mosquito bites
beneath my feet make for uneasy
pacing. The lonely worm-wood floorboards;
infested. Memories, like maggots,
eat away at the rotting carcass;
grow more vivid with every step toward
the door. A clown-like mouth mocking me
walking the steps from it to the bed;
you looked so graceful on your way out.

stains

with only a couple of days left in black history month, i wanted to post a poem that i published 4 years ago. i wrote it in honor of one of the greatest poets of the 20th century, langston hughes. i hope you enjoy it.


stains
for langston hughes


you sang america
when white linens were washed with
lye.

now colors tumble dry
rather than hang
on a line.

sheets rode the wind
like pointed ghosts of past. stains
pinned with pride for all
to see. today
she wears them privately;
shamefully.

try to wish them gone
when they will not wash
gone

sleepily she recalls the text-
book tragedies of which you
wrote; half
on your side, half
her own. decades gone,

her hands still smell of
lie.

ejumakation

so last night i am sitting in what was, essentially, my last small group session with my senior guys. twice the topic of my views on the education system came up, but it is such a long rant, that i thought i best to save it for another time. odd that i feel that time is now, on the blog, where i will have to type the entire rant. not sure why i do this to myself, but here goes.

i will start with what i think is right with the school system: it does encourage learning and it is vital that we all be lifelong students. by student, i simply mean that we are in the process of learning something, not that we be enrolled in a school of some kind.

what schools do wrong is continue to funnel people into more narrow views of thinking and more focused fields of expertise that we are no longer creating smarter people, we are creating specialists in a single field. ryan said this in group last night, and i believe he is very correct, that higher learning is basically like a vocational school. this is true in that, once one reaches the masters level and above, school really only teaches you one thing. it makes you a specialist in one field, which, by definition, is a vocational school.

the ancient greeks had a very different view of schooling. they believed that we were to be lifelong students, always learning, always growing. we are also to be lifelong teachers, sharing the knowledge we have with those behind us on the journey of learning. this was so important to them that, even their olympic athletes were required to spend as much time learning about astronomy and math and philosophy as they were practicing their events. it was very highly regarded to be a well-rounded human being and i think our schools should do a better job at instilling that in our students.

my second problem with the schooling system is that creativity is regarded with such contempt and is often the first to go in the education system. when children are young, they are allowed to express themselves. kindergartens are full of art classes, and glitter, and music and things kids can use to express themselves in a creative way (at least mine was. sorry if yours wasn't that way. you really missed out).

as we grow older, those things are slowly stripped away (for the most part) and removed from the regular classroom. they are pushed into their own section of the schooling process and are often the first thing to go if a school goes through cut backs or has to tighten its budget. these elective classes are also regarded as secondary, even unimportant. if a child gets straight C's and comes home with an A in art, people rarely notice. these classes are expected to be easy and a child who excels in these areas is not regarded as highly as one who excels in math or science. even language is regarded as a second-class citizen when put next to math or science.

by funneling us into these areas and pushing the importance of certain disciplines over others, they are basically teaching us to be better students, not better learners or more intelligent people. i know i knew my fair share in high school, and i am sure some of you know people like this; those who get straight A's and have no common sense. they are simply good students. put them in a class room and they are albert einstein.

take them out of the class room and they are patrick from spongebob.

i know the einstein pictures doesn't really do justice to his level of intelligence, but you get the point. the idea is that, by creating good students, we are saying that the highest level of accomplishment is to become a college professor. now hear me out, i want to be a college writing professor, so clearly i'm not saying this is a bad choice of profession (either that or their brainwashing worked on me and i should be ashamed of myself), but i am saying that by teaching students to be the best students they can be, the ultimate destination is to then become the person doing the teaching.

in the real world, experience and practical application skills say more than degrees. my mom doesn't have her college degree, but she has 30 years experience working in human resources and will likely win a job over a book-qualified applicant with less experience.

so what is the answer? i think there are some newer schools out, and in my area, there are some magnet schools that are trying to get this right. they have a magnet school that focuses on engineering, or mechanics, or the arts, or languages for the children who have shown a greater aptitude in these areas. they foster the things the child is already gifted in rather than trying to force them to excel in the areas that our school system values. while these are great programs, i think they are too few and far between.

here is a video by sir ken robinson where he talks about just this subject.

the luckiest

is a quirky but great song about love. it was my song to my wife at our wedding. i hope that my love will always be so definite. my favorite verse in the song:

next door, there's an old man who lived to his nineties
and one day passed away in his sleep.
his wife, she stayed for a couple of days
and passed away

i'm sorry, i know that's a strange way to tell you that i know
we belong
that i know...that i am the luckiest

elegant. the fist wraps

my heart beats like wings, fanning
the fire - butane
blue - in your eyes. my pupils
burn like moths, eager to learn
the flecks
in yours. i am lost;

this visual lip-lock tastes like ocean
but feels like sand-
paper. my body cries,
my eyes perspire. funny
how sweat and tears conspire to feel

the same, taste
the same, look
the same. you

burn
elegant. the fist wraps
at the inside of my ribs, it begs
to be set free

in love with love

so i recently went to check the blog of a friend and was struck by the topic of a recent post. he claimed that love before a certain age or maturity level (kevin, please forgive me for paraphrasing so dramatically), was a waste of time. working with high school students (and college prior to that and junior high before that) i have heard this reasoning many times. oddly enough, it doesn't change very much from junior high all the way up through college. we believe that love, as an institution, is this thing that exists outside of ourselves.

"when will i find love?" as though it were something lost and in need of finding. love is a gift, but more importantly, i believe that love is a commitment. love is demonstrated to us daily by our maker. we mess up - he loves us. we reject him - he loves us. we cause him more pain than we could ever endure - he loves us. and out of this unconditional love, we see what love should look like.

i implore you, listen to this, if you rely on the feeling of love, you will forever be searching, and the search will leave you empty and alone. here is my response to my friends post (i am copying it in out of shear laziness, not because i fear i cannot duplicate the profundity of my original words):

believing that love is a commitment, not a feeling, i can easily say that someone who is young is more than capable of finding it in his or her self to make that commitment and choose daily to love a person. the problem is that we, as young adults or teenagers, don’t have the correct definition of love.

we wait for the feeling we mistake for love, which is merely childish infatuation, and when we find it, we call it love. we play at being adults until the feeling wears off, or the “love” gets hard. then we bail and leave a wake of broken hearts and baggage.

we desperately need to redefine love, not do away with it until a certain age. if you are mature enough to commit to something and see it through, even when it’s hard, then i think you are old enough for love. if not, then not.

so i encourage you in this - don't rely on the feeling. you could end up married with children and more alone than ever. look at our rate of divorce and infidelity. love is action. if you don't feel like you love your partner as much today as you did yesterday, do the things that show her you love her...even when you don't want to and your feelings will follow your actions. i promise. if you leave it to your feelings, you will fall out of "love" the same way you fell into it, and lives will be ruined.

if you are single, work on yourself. when you think you might be interested in someone (after getting to know him or her in social situations), make sure you are willing to commit before you ever even involve his or her feelings. that is how you start loving the person before you are even together, by protecting his or her heart and not subjecting it to pain if you are on the fence about your readiness for a relationship.

there is so much more to it all of course, and i would love to talk to any of you about specific situations, problems, questions or contentions. i believe there is a way to post comments anonymously, please do so. i promise to respond in a timely manner to the best of my ability. it is my desire to see people do love the right way, the way it was taught to us. we are flawed, and our love won't be perfect, but we should try.

gorilla manor

hey all. so today, i want to bring an amazing local band to your attention, the local natives, and their new album gorilla manor. i have been listening to these guys since airplanes hit the net about a year ago. the full length album is finally available on itunes. it isn't in stores yet (not even amoeba), but you can download it digitally, or order it from amazon.

this is what it looks (that pic you passed on your way to these words)

and you can stream the whole album here if you want to preview your purchase for longer than 30 seconds per song.

enjoy!

a haiku

pride worn like cologne
hi, my name is adam, i'm -
addicted to me

what does haiti mean

yesterday i was speaking about certain things being written on the hearts of humanity and, therefore, transcending religion. service was one of these things. i believe this wholeheartedly, especially now following the terrible disaster in haiti. it was the same after katrina and the same after the tsunami in asia. when the world faces a major crisis, creed and color become moot as people join together to help those in need. it is a beautiful thing to see and be a part of and i encourage all of you to do what you can now to help the victims in haiti. there are a ton of organizations in on the ground floor. two that i recommend are Children's Hunger Fund and Direct Relief International.

all of this to say that we are wired to serve. it makes us feel good, coming along side others and helping those in need. we are designed to do this. so don't wait for a disaster. find a place to help others: your local soup kitchen, a retirement home, a battered woman's shelter, your church, etc. where you serve is less important that whether or not you serve. encourage others to work with you. together, we can have a positive influence on others.

::stepping down from soap box::

have a wonderful day (it could be more wonderful if you take the time to help someone else today)

i'm just sayin'...

sigur ros and God

i have described the music of this band as spiritual on several occasions. i believe that there are certain things that transcend religion, because God wrote them on our very hearts. i think religions tap into this, but it is also possible to tap it without organized faith at all. i believe that service falls into this category, as do love and community.

there is a movement in western culture to be spiritual rather than religious. we believe that all paths to God are equal. following this reasoning, there is no need, then, for any organized religion at all. if all organized paths lead to God, then so should all unorganized, or personal paths. we then, with this mindset, cite our spiritual experience as example for the truth in our belief. "i loved unconditionally and helped someone in need, it was such an emotional experience."

i believe they are simply tapping into something God has written on our hearts, a desire or pursuit woven into the very fabric of humanity. it makes them feel close to God because it was designed to.

for me, as a christian, music never really fit into this category. worship did. but i believe that the above are also forms of worship and that we, as humans, are all designed to worship something. but the vessel for some acts of worship, specifically music, never held that power to transcend until i heard sigur ros for the first time.

now, after years of listening, i believe that some music can transcend religion and offer truly spiritual experience. if we follow this to its logical end, then one could conclude that music was also written onto the human heart. i believe that there will be singing and praise in heaven, and that somehow, music was given to us to remind us of the greatness of God.

i just hope our praise in heaven sounds something like this:

who will get your voice

i'm a music freak. it hasn't been fully demonstrated on this blog yet, but i have always been fascinated with the idea of lending your voice to those who may be unable to vocalize a thought, feeling, or emotion. it is what draws me to fiction writing. i have also dabbled in writing song lyrics, and had an amazing amount of fun in doing so.

in the aftermath of the horrible tragedy in haiti, as the country tries to put itself back together, i was again intrigued by this idea of lending ones voice to a group who cannot speak out for itself. it is in every commercial done by aid groups asking for money to help those in need in haiti. so i guess my question is this: who will get your voice? this is about helping people and speaking up on behalf of others.

will it be the outcast at school? one of your siblings who gets picked on by another sibling? the poor or homeless? the currently unemployed? single mothers? victims of natural disasters?

in a time when there are so many in need, many of whom are in our own backyards, who will we choose to serve? will we speak out on their behalf? will we plead with others to serve with us?

we can make a big difference now for someone, some group, somewhere. don't shirk your responsibility to your fellow man. give him your voice. speak on his behalf.

Concerning Coyotes and Other Pressing Matters

Concerning Coyotes and Other Pressing Matters

A pack was spotted

near the potted plants

in Mrs. Mann's back

yard. If you have kids, small

dogs or cats, it's important to note

they feed on these,

and please cover up your cans

of trash.

This just in, the Honky-tonk

Karaoke Classic has been upgraded

to a bonafied jamboree; courtesy

of Daniel Lee. Tickets are now

twelve dollars. Men who bring

their own beer

and women, half-price.

And congrats

to Mable Patz from mobile

park Eleven A. She won

our bingo bonanza yesterday

taking home a brand new plastic

grass backyard. Second

place went to her husband

Clay, so they also took

the decorative light strands

of Coors Light cans. Clay would now

prefer that he be referred to as Fancy

Pants!

Mr. Thompson lost his four

front teeth. It's been a week since

they were last seen, on the arm

of the plastic lawn-

chair that resides on the brown

spot beside his front "porch."

He has vowed not to

shoot on sight,

as his sign has warned, provided

his teeth are returned

unharmed.

Finally, the ice-cream-

social hosted by the activities

league of Park Four B

has been postponed

for reasons not disclosed

but they propose

that the following Tuesday will

do if the weather holds.

Thank you. The Management.